Marriage Counseling – Turning Relationships Up in a Downturn Economy
By Leslie Baker, Marriage and Family Therapist, Pleasanton
Current economic news is influencing more than bank accounts; it is also affecting couples’ relationships. Looking for tips on marriage counseling for couples facing this situation? In recent times of prosperity, couples worked hard and played hard, often creating debt as they focused on getting out, going somewhere special or buying something new. Since the economic downturn, many people now face limited funds for recreation and the realities of losing investments and even homes. Increased debt adds stress in their relationships. Financial problems are sending many a relationship into a downturn, along with the economy, but it is possible to use the economic downturn to affect your relationships in a positive way. Tough financial times can be the perfect time to reconnect.
Many people struggle with lack of connection, feelings of loneliness and conflict in their relationships. Often partners wish to spend more time together but sacrifice it because of work and other family responsibilities. They believe that money enables them “connect” and use it to deal with their anxiety and develop their relationships. In this new economy, couples have the opportunity to create a new way of connecting around each other, rather than around bank accounts, and bring joy back into their relationships.
Having more time can be a first step toward building stronger relationships, but time together can bring its own challenges. Many couples become over focused on problems and spend too much time discussing them.
Communication is important, but too much can create an environment of constant crisis. A more useful strategy that I usually provide during a marriage counseling is to limit the “problem” conversations to times when both partners are rested and to focus those discussions on specific goals and to negotiate toward specific solutions. For example, a couple may sit down once a week to review and prioritize bills. Partners can make lists of their individual priorities and then negotiate toward creating a workable list. Once the list is set into motion, the “problem” conversation can be set aside and the rest of the time can be spent on activities that are stress free and fun.
Tips for low-cost fun can involve getting involved in your community, attending free or low-cost activities like park naturalist classes, walking festivals, outdoor concerts, local sporting events or lectures. These activities afford the opportunity to reconnect not only with each other but with family, friends and neighbors. Couples may want to organize a pot luck or progressive dinner including board games, dominos or cards or create a romantic evening just for the two of you. A few candles, music and a hot bath can bring the joy back into a relationship as well as relax the stress away.
Taking care of yourself and your partner is a good investment no matter the state of the economy. Marriage and relationships present many challenges and learning how to navigate those challenges is the core of couples’ ultimate success and happiness. During this economic downturn, take the opportunity to create an upturn in your marriage and relationship.
Contact Leslie Baker, marriage counselor and therapist, at 925.426.1575 in Pleasanton for a confidential, no obligation 15-minute telephone consultation.